Hotels
by Anagram RMX
Summary: Hardison had good reason to complain about the hotels they stayed in-especially when having to room with Eliot and Parker. Short snippits about the chaos of theives rooming together.
1. in which Alec needs a sleeping bag

RMX: welcome to the white room everyone.

Alec: What the-

Eliot: Save it Hardison. I tried that earlier.

Parker: Yippee! We're back in the white room!

RMX: Anyway, this is kind of a spinoff of Alec's complaining in the Bank Shot job. It doesn't take place before, but it's just kind of playing on the idea. Anyway, I do not like hotels. I have been known to sleep in closets to avoid sharing a bed. This story is in no way supposed to be serious, and so far, each chapter is 300 words a piece.

Alec: Hm…I got an e-mail…

RMX: Oh, that's the disclaimer. Just read it out loud and you'll be out of here soon.

Alec: RMX does not own Leverage, nor does she have any affiliation with the production of Leverage.

RMX: alright, thank you. Now-may the chaos begin!!!

(-:-)

Chapter 1: in which Alec needs a sleeping-bag

Alec looked around the motel distastefully. Eliot seemed to be comfortable enough, and had already set his bag down on one of the beds.

"You know, I'm sure we could stay in a place that's actually nice," Alec mentioned as Nate walked by with Sophie.

"Hardison, we discussed that we would be staying somewhere that wouldn't draw attention," Nate replied dryly, opening a door across the hall, letting Sophie walk in. "This is as good as it gets."

"What about an internet connection?" Alec grumbled. "I'm only here 'cause you people need a computer guy!"

"Quit complaining, Hardison," Eliot said from where he was laying on the bed with the remote. The TV was already on ESPN.

Parker nodded as she walked into the room. "Yeah, Alec," she said, tossing her stuff on the floor.

Alec and Eliot stared at her. Parker just jumped onto the other bed.

"Um…Aren't you and Sophie sharing a room?" Eliot asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah…" Alec mentioned. "You know, like last time?"

Parker shrugged, arranging the pillows strangely. "Nah, Sophie said she and Nate were gonna room together. I opted to stay in here instead of stay in that mess…"

Eliot shrugged. "That makes sense, I guess…"

Alec just raised an eyebrow. "Parker, you realize that there are only two beds in here, right?"

Parker nodded. "Yeah, what's the problem?"

Eliot just kind of looked at him in amusement.

Alec glared. "This isn't funny, dude."

"It is to me," Eliot replied. "Because, being a gentleman, I doubt you'll shove Parker out of her bed."

"What about you?" Alec said, glaring

"Do you seriously think you'll get his bed?" Parker laughed.

Alec grumbled something under his breath.

"There's a sleeping bag in the van," Eliot said, before going back to the Football Game on TV.


	2. in which Parker roots to kill Spongebob

Chapter 2: in which Parker roots to kill SpongeBob

RMX: I don't own Leverage:

Parker sat down cross legged with a bowl of popcorn, watching TV. "No-Kill that annoying yellow man!!! Get him already you stupid squid!!!"

Eliot stared blankly. Alec was in the corner of the room, trying to get an internet connection.

"Um Parker…"

"Yeah?"

"You know you're watching cartoons…right?" Eliot asked. "No one is going to die in SpongeBob."

Parker rolled her eyes. "Maybe not in the cartoons you watched…"

"…I don't think I wanna know," Eliot sighed, reaching for the remote.

"Hey!" Parker spat. "Leave it on this channel."

"Why? So you can wait for the crab and the pink star to battle to the death?"

"If that's what's going to happen, then yes," Parker said smugly.

Eliot rolled his eyes and looked at the remote, trying to remember the ESPN channel number. Parker glared, and when he actually started to turn the channel, she jumped at him.

"Hey!" He spat, falling over. "What the hell, Parker?!"

"Leave it," Parker said, sitting on him.

Alec laughed. Eliot just sighed and threw her off of him before turning the channel. Parker glared again, and was persistent in her attempts to get the remote. After a few seconds of fighting, that wasn't really fighting, Eliot had her arms pinned to her back while he put the remote on the table with his other hand.

"Damn you," Parker said, squirming.

"We are not going to watch cartoons," Eliot said simply, letting Parker go.

Parker glared, and popped him in the arm before going back to her bed.

Alec was still laughing in his corner when a remote hit him in the head.

"It isn't funny Hardison," Parker said in annoyance.

Alec stared at the remote, rubbing his head and wondering why she hadn't changed it, before sighing, and going back to his computer.


	3. in which Eliot is woken up

Chapter 3: in which Alec get's stepped on.

RMX: I would just like to thank anyone who is involved with Leverage for the amazing episode last night! Seriously, ton of Alec/Eliot fun, and at the very end, Parker glomped Eliot! Squeels.

Eliot: God I hate being in here…That chick scares me…

Parker: she seems okay to me…

RMX: Thank you. So, there's been a lot of man handling with you two lately…Last episode you tossed her up to a second level, then caught her, then dragged her back to the hospital room.

Eliot: …

RMX: anyway, I don't own Leverage, so start this chapter!

(-:-)

Eliot did not enjoy getting woken up in the middle of the not. No one did. So being woken up at two in the morning was not a good thing.

"Agghhh!!!" something groaned.

"Whasa?!" blurted Eliot drowsily as he shot up. The room was dark, but the door was open and someone was walking out.

"Owwwwww…" Alec whined on the floor.

"What happened?" Eliot demanded, not knowing what was going on.

"Parker stepped on me…" Alec complained.

Eliot just stared for a moment. That definitely was not what he had originally expected to be going on. "…What?"

"She just left," Alec grumbled, not getting out of his sleeping bag, but pointing at the door.

Eliot raised an eyebrow and crossed the room. Sure enough, Parker was walking down the sidewalk. He sighed and stood in the doorway, when she stopped.

She was standing next to a large machine, and pressed a few buttons before there was a 'ka-CHUNK'. She knelt down and grabbed something before walking back to the room.

Eliot smacked himself in the forehead as Parker walked up. "Who gets up to get a Fanta at two in the morning?!" he growled.

"You stepped on me to get strawberry soda?!" Hardison blurted, snapping up from his attempt at sleep.

Parker didn't reply, and just sat down cross-legged on her bed while drinking her prize.

Eliot sighed, and quickly got back in bed.

Hardison glowered at the floor and started trying to go back to sleep.

Parker was still quiet as the men went back to sleep, but smirked.

Eliot did not like to be woken up in the middle of the night, so when Hardison yelped for the second time, he didn't bother getting up, and ignored the sound of a Fanta Bottle being thrown in the trash.


	4. in which Eliot cuts himself shaving

RMX: Me no own Leverage.

Chapter 4: in which Eliot cuts himself shaving

So far, the trip was proving to be a challenge. Parker had walked in on Alec showering to brush her teeth earlier that morning, and while Eliot had found it amusing, he was not in the mood to deal with her right now. So he locked the door (to at least delay entry) as he leaned over the sink to shave.

He had not actually heard the slight ping in the lock, but Hardison's laughter was evident when Eliot was shoved out of the bathroom, half of his face covered in white foam, before the door slammed in his face.

"Huh-Parker!!!" he spat, before glowering over at Alec. "Be quiet…"

"Hey, I have every right to laugh at your expense," the hacker replied.

Eliot just rolled his eyes, and pounded on the door. "Hurry up!!!" he growled.

"I'll be out in a minute!!!" Parker yelled back.

Eliot sighed, and leaned against a wall, looking at the razor awkwardly as the toilet inside flushed and the blonde walked out.

"Now was that so painful?" Parker asked in her childish manner. She looked back at him as she crossed the room, and raised an eyebrow, but kept walking.

What was that about? Eliot mentally asked himself, before walking back into the white tiled bathroom. He then noticed the blood that was now staining the bottom of his chin. Eliot glared at the mirror. "Damn it Parker!!!" When he left the bathroom, Alec's laughter was still heard.

When they walked down to where they were to meet Sophie and Nate, there could only be one response to Eliot and Alec's behavior.

Alec was rubbing his head, and Eliot was wiping blood from his chin. Both were glaring at Parker, who seemed perfectly oblivious.

Sophie and Nate shared an amused glance, and both laughed.

**End.**

RMX: not my favorite chapter, but I've got like, five minutes to put this up before I have to high tail it. So…when I get back in a few days, I may update again, maybe post a fun new story about Parker stealing Nate's car…

Parker: What!? Why haven't I done that yet?!?!

Eliot: See what you do?!

Alec: sighs…

RMX: Review please!!!


	5. in which Parker is Hungry

Chapter 5: in which Parker drives

RMX: I don't own Leverage.

Nate and Sophie were gone again around lunch to wait for the mark at a hotel, leaving Eliot, Parker and Alec with the van.

"...I'm hungry," Parker complained.

"And?" Alec asked, fixing his satelites up, hoping to get back in the chat rooms before the end of the trip.

"Can't we go get something to eat?"

"I dunno..." Eliot grumbled, one of his hats covering his face as he sat shotgun-attempting to sleep. "I don't plan on goin' anywhere..."

Parker stood up and got out of the car.

"...What is she doing?" Eliot mumbled.

The driver's door opened, and Parker stepped in. "Buckle up you two," she said-almost innocently.

Eliot sat up, and stared suspiciously. Alec looked kind of worried.

Parker smiled as if she wasn't planning anything that would cause them harm, so they did as they were told. They hit 60 in 3.5.

"Holy-" Eliot blurted.

Parker grinned, speeding around a corner as if it were no big deal.

"What the hell?!" Hardison yelped.

"Isn't this fun?" Parker asked brightly.

"Slow down!" was Hardison's reply.

"Oh don't be such a baby..."

"Parker-you're gonna crash into something and I swear-"

"Like you'll do anything to a girl, Eliot," Parker replied simply, pulling into the Wendy's drive-thru.

Eliot tried to glare, but only stared at the dashboard, nothing had ever terrified him as much as Parker's driving. Hardison was sprawled out on the seat in the back, with a few claw marks in the seat.

"Hello-welcome to Wendy's-how can i help you?"

"Hi! I'd like to order the...10 peice nuggets with small fries and water," Parker said. "Hey-You guys want anything?"

"Maybe when we find my stomach again..." Alec's grumbled response came.

"Alright-that'll be it..."

"Good then, pull up to the window please."

Parker smiled, and the guys flinched a little when she hit the gas again.

"Parker," Eliot growled. "Get out of the driver's seat..."

"What? Why?" Parker asked innocently.

"I'm driving now..."

"It wasn't that ba-"

Alec interrupted "Let the man drive!!!"

End

RMX: …so yeah…I imagine Parker to be a crazy driver…

Parker: (Is stealing Nates car)

Eliot: (is trying to get her to hurry up)

Hardison: (is trying to find a bad ass way to get into the car)

Sophie: what the hell…?

RMX: sorry, they're happy about a different story I posted. Anyway, review!


	6. in which the AC breaks

Chapter 6: in which the AC breaks

A/N: no owning leverage for RMX.

Hardison wiped his forehead as the three of them sat in the boiling hot hotel room. "Alright, I know it's usually hot down here-but I could have sworn it was cooler than this yesterday!"

"AC must have gone out," Eliot mumbled from his side of the room, managing to enjoy his football game.

Parker was flopped out on her bed, not moving.

"You think she's dead?" Eliot asked.

"No," Parker whined. "It's hoooooooooooooooooot…"

Eliot rolled his eyes a little. "Come on you guys, it's not that bad…"

"We haven't fought the butcher of Kiev in the middle of a burning building, now have we?" Alec grumbled.

Eliot seemed to consider this fact. "No, no you haven't," he agreed.

"Hot…hot…hot…" Parker whined again, saying it as if she had just been to one of Sophie's man plays again.

Alec rolled his eyes. "Will you quit saying that?" he grumbled irritably. As much as he loved her, it was hot.

Parker managed to sit up and glare. "Hot hot hot hot hot hot," she grumbled like a three year old.

"Stop it," Alec repeated.

"Hot!" Parker growled.

"Will you two-" Eliot started.

"Stop-" Alec had continued, but was cut off.

"Hot hot hot hot hot hot hot hot hot hot hot hot hot hot hot hot hot hot hot-HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT."

Alec glared before jumping up. "I am gonna fix that damned air conditioner myself…" he growled.

Parker grinned and flopped back on the bed again victoriously.

Eliot rolled his eyes as Hardison went out to the AC unit (Seeing as it was one of those hotels with an AC in the window). "That metal's gonna be hot in the su-"

"Son of a bitch!" Hardison yelped.

Eliot sighed, making a comment about listening to him for once before going back to his game.

**End**

RMX: Well, I don't know if anyone would actually do that…

Alec: Whine like Parker?

RMX: no, put your hand on an AC unit that's been in the Texas sun for over an hour.

Parker: it's common sense not to…

Alec: (Glowers around the room)

RMX: so review. If anyone has an idea for chaos, lemme know.

Parker: (Goes back to watching spongebob)


	7. in which Parker steals Alec's soda

Chapter 7-In which Parker Takes Alec's soda

Eliot and Alec stood against the van as the mechanics proceeded to replace the A/C unit. Alec had had to pay for the repairs since, while messing with it, he broke it even worse.

"…So…have you learned not to drop ACs off of balconies?" Eliot taunted.

Alec glared. "Shut up, Kentucky-Boy," he growled. "Jeez the sooner we get out of here the better." He grabbed an orange soda out of the front seat and started to unscrew the cap. "So, where's Parker?"

Eliot shrugged. "She said she wanted to get out of the heat," he said. "And lord knows what that means for her, so I didn't ask."

Alec considered for a moment. "That's probably the best policy…" he grumbled, before lifting the soda towards his mouth.

"Is that soda?" someone chimed, walking up suddenly and snatching the soda from him before he got a drink.

Parker squeezed in between the two men and looked over the bottle before she proceeded to drink it. "Mmmm…thanks…"

Alec stared, Eliot snickered. "…You did not just take my soda…"

Parker stared. "Of course I didn't."

"Parker. Yeah you did," Eliot said as the joke ended quickly.

"You have no proof."

"But-It's right there!" Alec growled. "You're holding my soda. Now give it to me…"

"It's mine…" Parker whined, trying to hold the soda out of his reach.

"Parker, stop fooling around," Eliot grumbled. He ducked away from Hardison's swatting hands.

"Parker, I'm not foolin' around, now give me my soda," Alec said.

Parker took the soda up for another swig, keeping it in her mouth before looking at Alec.

Eliot looked mildly irritated, but still hoped she was about to spit on him. Alec looked worried that she was about to do just that, when she spit it back in the bottle.

"Here ya go," Parker said, shoving the bottle back into his hands. She smiled before walking off.

Alec stared at the soda bottle.

"Well," Eliot started. "You did wanna swap some spit with her…" He laughed as Hardison glared and walked off to tend to the maintenance men.

End Chapter

RMX: …yeah, I have nothing amusing to say… Review.

Alec: since when did you get so lame?

RMX: Piss off.


End file.
